A moment on your lips and a life time on your hips!

This was a line i had read in a story about a girl who is fat and gets motivated to lose weight to get her love. The story was inspiring but the motivation lasted for a few weeks. Then i was back to being lose on losing weight.
Fitness, Health, these words have never really stirred anything in me  to take actions and probably that is why motivation has not come from within! Why was that ??? Maybe because life kept moving on, i met the love of my life who did not have a problem about my weight...so unlike the story i earlier mentioned didn't have to lose weight to get my love. In fact i have been extremely lucky to actually receive a lot of unconditional love in my life. Everyone around has always been accepting me the way i am, actually i don't think they have a choice either. Most of my friends would love to see me at least 30% lesser than my existing size.

But life has been going on....College went well, Got Married, Career is going well, Became a mother and all throughout... my weight was a 3 digit number....

Maybe its about self discovery and maybe i haven't discovered my true self as on now, maybe i need to truly go within and understand myself so that i understand my eating habits.

Weight goes up, weight goes down and I end up round......!

I have been on  a merry go round, going up and down for last so many years. I have lost 20 kg four times so far and i really wonder how i manage to get it back. 


Well, i was born 10 lbs and i never disappointed my mother as she could always see her baby growing and growing. When i turned 16  suddenly we all realized that i had become a 80kg out of school girl. 


From then on i have never looked back..today i m 120 kg and i have gone through at least 10 weight loss programs in the last 20 years. As a result my metabolism is impacted and now i put on weight by thinking about food. And honestly i do think a lot about food! :-) 


I also did a course on Diet and Nutrition to understand what the hell i m eating which is causing this!!! I see everybody who eats almost as much as me is still half my size. Being a researcher by profession i have decided to take this up as a research project which may end up just in a document of findings and recommendations..... (Still i may not lose weight!)


Guess what! I have actually helped people lose weight because i know exactly what needs to be done to lose weight. Then why cant i stick to a regime and why does motivation die off if the issue is so important?! Maybe because i m very emotional and end up eating emotionally. 
Though i am responsible as a person, why haven't i been able to be responsible about my most primary responsibility - my body? Still looking for answers and solutions.......


But now i have decided to get off from the merry go round. I am first working on stabilizing my weight and then lose for good or else die fat.  Maybe gods in heaven or devils in hell need my fat :-)